Time is ticking away

I am saddened at the loss of my Aunt Sylvia who passed away this past Easter. I am reminded that I am getting older and that I have young kids. We waited to have kids because we thought we needed to have money and other things in place before we had them. Looking back, we wished we had kids much earlier in life. We are afraid that we will not be able to see our kids have kids. But I will be positive. During the eulogy of my Aunt today, it was refreshing to hear her kids memories of their mother.

Of course this is something I worry about day to day. Am I being the best mom I could possibly be? Do I do enough for them to have warm and fuzzy feelings when it was my time to go? One of the things my cousins mentioned about her mom was that when her kids were sick, she would give them a box of crayons and a coloring book. She would insist on coloring one page of her choice. I could not wait to get home and color with Jillian. Jillian is not much of a coloring kid. She likes to scribble right now and I am trying to show her to stay on the lines. I really do not care how she colors, for me is it about her exploring, using a writing utensil, and colors.

Ok, so I homeschool my kids and I am hoping this gives me points for being a good mom. I mention this to them all the time. If they do not like what I am teaching them, then they can go to school and experiencing what school is really like.

I try and cook or bake something that they will remember from their childhood. I bake them a cake for their birthday in whatever theme they wish. I make my bunny cake for Easter and christmas cookies. I just try and make every holiday special.

Another thing that was mentioned was they loved when their mother took them to the library. Well when I take my kids, they just run around. I do try and read to them once a day. I buy tins of books and try to instill my love of reading to them. I do not think my boys will follow in my footsteps, but at least they do like some of my stories.

All I can do right now is continue doing these things and hope that my kids will see that their Dad and I have provided them with the best childhood we could manage. We know we are not perfect and the kids will see our flaws. We hope they will love us despite of them.

I am also writing this blog to give them a glimpse of their lives as we are living them.

We love you so much and can not express that enough!!!

A wise word

To my kids:

I write this letter after learning of a disturbing court case involving young boys assaulting a young girl. The ages of these involved were 15-17 year olds. The young lady in question was taken to several parties and was drinking alcohol. This of course impaired her judgment and she became unconscious. Along her journey several boys sexually assaulted her, took pictures, posted messages on social media, and took videos. The young lady woke up the following morning and was informed of her situation via messages from friends and foes. Eventually charges were brought against two of the boys and they were found guilty. Although the other boys gained immunity in the case, their lives are not without trouble. 

Some of them have been kicked out of college and scholarship removed. All those involved will suffer for the rest of their lives. This case was in Ohio in the year 2012-2013.

I am writing this letter to my children for many different reasons.

It is not ok to ever touch someone sexually when they are unconscious. They can not give consent.

First: If you ever happen to be in a situation where you are pressured by other around you to do anything….DO NOT DO IT.  Please call us, family, other friends, police, or anyone who can get you out of your situation. Or just walk away.

Second: If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are being a victim, please say something. Try to get out of the situation. Call someone.

Thirdly: if you are a witness to anything happening that you think is not acceptable. Tell someone. Do not participate, do not videotape, do not write anything about it, and most importantly help. Anyone of these acts is a punishable crime. If you see something—say something.

I write this to you because it reminds me of a potentially devastating event that happened to me when I was 14. I was a freshmen in highschool and I really liked this boy who was one year older than I was. I called him one evening and found he was with a group of boys partying. I let him know I was home by myself and his friend gave him my address. About 30 minutes later I had about 6  boys at my door. We had a screen door and the main door. They pushed their way into the house. We lived in a split level which means when you enter you either go upstairs or down. They split up and half went up and half of them went down. I went up to follow the guy that I liked. I was cornered in my room by this guy and his friend. They wanted to have sex with me and were pressuring me. They were drunk and kept pulling my arm and trying to coax me. I said no many times and then I screamed NO and ran from the room. More events happened that evening, but I was very lucky. My sister arrived home just in time because I do not know what would have happened if she didn’t.

I blame myself for putting myself in this situation and of course the boys also should take some of the blame as well.

I write this to my kids as a warning of what could potentially happen when you are with a crowd of friends and their influence on you. I caution my kids to use their judgment wisely.

I love you very much and want the best for you. 

Your mom